Broken and Scattered
by Salix FireOpal
Summary: Ianto/Jack. Our favourite tea boy is being emo, but will all be well when Jack returns?
1. Chapter 1

First thing I've wrote in a very very very long time. Please tell me if its total rubbish.

Disclaimer- Don't own and all that jazz.

**Broken and Scattered **

1. In the Cold Light of Morning 

Ianto woke to the sound of pouring rain; he could see the first light of morning trying to break through the crack in the curtains. Normally he would have leaped out of bed showed, dressed, and made his way to the hub. But this morning was different he was missing Jack more than ever. The cracks in his heart were aching. He lay in the semi darkness, crying until the distant ringing of his phone brought him back to reality with a shock. It was Tosh and the time was 10.30. Shit.

"Hello" he mumbled

"Ianto? Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I just over slept, I'll be over ASAP. Sorry"

"Ok, we we're just worrying about you"

"See you later"

He snapped the phone shut, somehow dragged his self out of bed, showed, dressed, and arrived at the hub in half the normal time. Ianto knew that every cell in his body was dying to curl up and forget the world. Every cell in his body was aching for Jack.

He entered the hub through the tourist office; he could feel the eyes of the rest of the team on him as the giant door opened. He put on his brave face and smiled. "Morning, sorry I'm late" adding an extra cute smile, knowing that Gwen would melt and fend for him for the rest of the day. He'd recently grown close to Gwen; she knew how much he missed Jack. How much Ianto loved Jack.

Right on cue Gwen threw her arms around him and gave him one of her do you want to talk later looks. He hugged her back and whispered "we'll talk later" in her ear.

"Looks like someone slept in this morning" Owen said whilst looking at some hideous pictures of his most recent alien autopsy.

Ianto made his way to the kitchen and the coffee machine. He wasn't in the mood for Owen's stabs about his relationship with Jack. He busied himself making everyone's usual. When he reappeared into the central area of the hub, everyone had disappeared.

"Boardroom Ianto" Owen's shouting cleared up his confusion.

When he got there, Owen was standing by the TV monitor on the wall; he had been watching the CCTV. Ianto set the tray down on the table and took a seat. He heard the words 'rift activity' and zoned out. He was with Jack in his office, they were sorting out the paper work for a weevil they'd just captured, they were sat so close that Ianto could feel the heat radiating from Jack, it sent shivers up his spine, and he turned to Jack and buried his face in his neck. Just remembering Jack's smell made Ianto burst into tears.

Before anyone could react Ianto found himself running across the hub and down to the firing range, he pulled out his gun, flicked off the safety catch and buried three bullets into the head of a weevil shaped target. He screamed and collapsed on the floor. He couldn't take Torchwood without Jack.

He heard footsteps and the other members of his team crowded around him.

"Ianto, what's up?" Owen had taken up his professional doctor manner.

Ianto looked up his cheeks stained with tears "it's nothing, I'm just missing Jack"

He buried his head in his knees, wishing everyone would leave him alone, but he knew Gwen would stay. Gwen would keep him safe.

Ianto gathered his self; he could sense Gwen leaning on the wall next to him. "Gwen? Do you think he'll ever come back?"

"I don't know Ianto, I hope he does, it's just not the same without him"

Gwen was shivering, so Ianto took off his jacket and draped it around her shoulders. "Come on lets get out of here, I need a coffee"

Ianto helped Gwen up and gathered himself some more before he faced the others. The two walked linking arms out of the deeper darker bits of Torchwood into the central bit of the hub, Ianto could feel Owen's and Tosh's eyes on him for the second time that day. Gwen steered him into the kitchen, she gave him back his jacket and set the coffee machine to boil.

"You really love him, don't you?"

Ianto looked at the floor, feeling tears welling up in his eyes again and just nodded.

"Why Ianto? Why are you wasting this time waiting for him when he's off with another man, when you could be out there looking for someone who would feel the same?"

Ianto carried on starring at the floor gathering his thoughts; he could feel the rage building up inside him. "I'm not wasting time waiting for Jack, he promised me long before he disappeared, that if he ever did disappear he would come back and I don't go out there looking for someone else for the same reason you stay with that fat fiancé of yours. Because I love him!" Ianto felt the rage inside him explode and he ran, out of the kitchen, out of the hub, out of the tourist office and towards the bay.

He knew none of the others would come looking for him unless he didn't turn up for work tomorrow, he was glad of it. He needed some space. Ianto walked along the pier taking in the smell of the sea, it was only just after lunchtime so the sun was still up, but it was barely making a difference in the rapidly disappearing autumn. Ianto was lost in his thoughts, he somehow managed to steer the part of the brain that was still paying attention to the nearest bench and sit on it without colliding into anyone or anything. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialled Jack's number. It was dead. What had he been expecting? Jack to just pick up the phone and say he was on his way back? Ianto could feel the tears stinging his eyes again, he couldn't fight them back. He was being ripped apart inside. Ianto just sat in the middle of the midday crowds sobbing. Alone.

Ianto sighed; maybe Gwen was right, maybe he was wasting his time waiting for Jack. He wasn't in the mood to find out he stood up and started the long walk back to his car.

His flat was in the same state he had left it this morning. Very unlike him to leave, his flat a mess but he had other things to attend to this morning.

Ianto decided to occupy himself by giving the flat a good cleaning, but even an extra good extended Ianto clean was not enough to take up the time. Ianto was lost and alone.

Ianto woke the next morning to his phone screaming to be answered. He rolled over and fumbled around in the dark until he found the noisy metal object. "Hello?"

"Hey Ianto"

"Hey Gwen listen I'm sorry I was such an arse yesterday. Can I make it up to you?"

"Don't worry about it Ianto we've all taken Jack's sudden absence badly, but we're not in love with him. I understand.

Ianto could feel the tears in his eyes. "Thanks Gwen"

"Anyway, we need you here. The Rift is being noisy today. Fancy some weevil hunting?"

This made Ianto smile. "I'll be over in half and hour" He hung up feeling like today at least he had a purpose.

He arrived at the hub as usual smiley Ianto. Gwen was already waiting for him when he arrived; he said a quick hello to the others and was whisked away to the SUV. Gwen claimed into the passenger seat. He looked at her "not driving?"

She smiled and shook her head.

Ianto shrugged and reversed the SUV onto the road. "Tell us where, we're going Tosh"

"I'm just putting the location into the GPS now" Tosh's voice came over the coms.

"Looks like a run down part of the city, great, weevils always find the dirtiest place to live"

Ianto looked over at Gwen she was eyeing the location on the GPS with disgust; he smiled, put the SUV into gear and sped off across Cardiff.

The weevil hunting had been relatively easy, they had returned triumphant with a new friend for the weevil they kept permanently in the cells.

Ianto made sure it was secure and went to make everyone coffee. His mind was filled with Jack. Why was he missing him so much? Why now, when he's been gone for so long? Ianto could feel the tears building up in his eyes. He ignored them and took everyone's coffee to them. Ianto found himself taking the stairs to Jack's office. He hadn't been in there since Jack left; he opened the door and found it exactly as Jack had left it. He could still feel Jack's presence. It crushed him, forced him to hurt, and made him miss Jack even more. He was right he couldn't take Torchwood without Jack. Ianto had an earthquake on his mind. In a tide of emotion, Ianto ran from the hub, telling the others to call him if he was needed. He found himself on the top of the Millennium Centre that Torchwood was concealed under. He stood at the edge, feeling the wind rush through his hair like adrenaline in his veins. The cracks in his heart were deepening; he needed Jack or release from the pain. He looked over the edge at the people below, going about they're every day business unaware of him above them, so close to jumping.

The sun was setting Ianto needed to do it now; he couldn't face the darkness again, alone.

Ianto stood on the edge of what felt like oblivion and his phone began to ring, he smiled admitting to himself that his colleagues always seem to know exactly when to call to inconvenience him.

"Hello?"

"Ianto. We've got a situation; we've had reports of a blowfish reeking havoc, in a sports car" It was Tosh's voice on the other end of the line.

"Ok, I'll be with you in two"

"Where are you?" Tosh's voice sounded concerned

"Oh, I'm just on the pier, needed to think"

Ianto hung up, the last thing he wanted his colleagues to know about him was that he'd just tried to kill himself. He made his way off the building and down into the hub.

"Ianto! Thank god, we need to leave now!" Tosh shouted as she gathered various technical devices.

Ianto didn't have time to think before he was in the SUV and speeding across Cardiff with his team. The sun had set and they were heading off into the suburbs. Ianto heard Gwen ask someone whether they'd seen a blowfish driving a sports car. He chuckled inwardly to himself; out of context, that sentence was hilarious. Next thing he knew Gwen had the steering wheel and Owen was leaning out of the window shooting at the blowfish. Ianto zoned out again, he really should be paying attention, but he had bigger things on his mind.

The next few hours went in a blur, Jack was back, and his past was stalking him. Ianto couldn't help but feel a pang of jealously when he set eyes on one of Jack's previous lovers Captain John, but that jealousy had soon turned to hate when Ianto had come across Captain John, who he later discovered had left the rest of his team to die. Ianto could not describe the relief he felt when he finally saw Captain John back through the rift and even though Jack had asked him on a date that evening, he didn't want to be anywhere near the man.

Ianto volunteered to drive the sports car back to the hub, he needed to collect his thoughts, and he knew he'd have to face Jack tonight. He knew Jack had come back for him. Ianto drove back to the hub in a trance, he was drenched in thoughts of him and Jack and it was then he made a decision, if Jack wanted him. Jack would have to be his; Ianto would no longer just be Jack's casual shag. He wanted more than lust.

When Ianto got back to the hub, he parked the car in the garage and just sat in it, thinking. He was brought back by his phone ringing; he looked at it and looked at it again. It was Jack; Ianto cancelled the call and headed into the hub. The first person he came across was Jack, he was checking up on everyone.

"Hey you. Do you not answer your phone anymore?"

"I was heading in anyway, so I didn't see the point. How is Owen?"

"He's ok, he's patching himself up. I said I'd take him to hospital; but no, Owen knows best"

Ianto scanned the hub for any sign of Tosh and Gwen, but they had gone home. He felt words he needed to say rise up in his throat but he struggled to get them out. He turned and looked at Jack "we need to talk."

Jack looked at the Welshman and nodded. "Let me check on Owen, I'll meet you in my office"

Ianto felt the need for a coffee boost; he made his way over to the machine and busied himself with the only thing that had felt normal today. The caffeine hit him almost instantly giving him the lift he needed, he made a mug for Jack and headed up to his office. He sat on the sofa, the young man knew he was too tired for all the emotional stuff that was going to be said, but it needed to be said and it needed to be said now. Ianto heard footsteps on the stairs, he suddenly got nervous.

Jack appeared; Ianto couldn't help being captivated by his smile. He watched Jack as he picked up the coffee from his desk and sat down next to Ianto.

"I'm sorry I left, but there were things about me that I didn't understand that I do now"

Ianto looked him in the eye "and what do you want from me? I can't just be a casual shag anymore Jack. I need more than just sex"

Now Jack was looking right back at him. "I know Ianto and I couldn't have given you that before, but now I can. I came back for you, because I want a proper relationship with you"

Ianto could feel the tears in his eyes, he looked away from Jack in an attempt to hide it, but he felt Jack's arms snaking round him and the tears escaped. He sobbed for what felt like forever. "I thought you were never coming back, I didn't know what to do with myself. I was lost Jack"

Ianto felt Jack pull him closer, he turned, and for the first time in what had felt like a life time Ianto felt his lips being captured by Jack's. Ianto kissed him back and held Jack close, never wanting to let go. He felt Jack's hands under his shirt and pulled away.

Jack looked at the young man, confused. "What's wrong Ianto?"

"I don't want to rush things this time; I want to do it properly. I need to know you want me for more than sex"

Jack kissed him again "I understand. I'm ready whenever you are"

That night Ianto left Jack alone, they needed a few hours apart after that talk. He got back to his flat and collapsed in bed, but he couldn't sleep, the events of the day were swimming around in his head. Ianto curled up under his duvet and smiled at least Jack was back. He was no longer alone.

Ianto woke suddenly, he was covered in a cold sweat, he'd been dreaming. He lay in the semi darkness trying to make sense of what he'd just seen, but the images wouldn't stay in his head. His mind drifted off to thoughts of Jack, he wished he was here; he missed having someone to hold him after the nightmares. Ianto sat up and slapped himself across the face, it was weakness like that, and that had got him in such a state over Jack. Dawn was breaking, he looked at his clock 6.30 am, he rolled his eyes and got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen for the all important morning coffee. He drunk his coffee, showered, dressed, and drove to the hub on auto-pilot while his mind was consumed with thoughts of Jack.

The hub was unusually quiet when Ianto arrived. "Hello?"

"Ianto" Jack appeared from his office.

The Welshman couldn't help but smile, he'd missed coming into work and seeing Jack. "Where are the others?"

"Not in yet, I should imagine they're worn out from the events of yesterday"

"Coffee?"

"I'd sooner have you" Jack replied with a mischievous smile.

Ianto shook his head and went to make coffee. His mind was in turmoil again. He wanted Jack in ever way possible, but he didn't want to let Jack just have his way. Jack had to love him. They needed that date.


	2. Chapter 2 Without You I’m Nothing

2

2. Without You I'm Nothing 

Ianto arrived at the hub for the second time that day, but this time was different. He was walking towards the Millennium Centre; he could see Jack standing just to the side of the invisible lift, watching everyone. The Welshman watched Jack look around and see him.

"Hey you"

Ianto let Jack pull him into his arms and kiss him. It was then he felt the pain of missing Jack disappear, he snaked his arms around the older mans waist and they just stood there in the middle of Cardiff, holding each other. Reluctantly Ianto broke the embrace.

Jack looked at him "I've missed you, Ianto"

Ianto couldn't look at him, scared he'd cry. "I've missed you too"

Together they wondered off into the night life of Cardiff. Ianto felt to calm just having Jack around, his absence from Ianto's life was becoming a distant memory.

They we're making they're way back to the Millennium Centre and Ianto was lost in thought, he was dying to tell Jack he loved him. He had idea. He let go of Jack's hand and ran knowing Jack would follow him. Ianto stopped when he reached his car. The Welshman smiled when Jack looked at him very confused. "In"

Ianto drove to his flat saying nothing, Jack tried to question him, but Ianto just grinned and didn't reply. He liked to keep Jack guessing.

The pair reached his flat and Ianto couldn't help but laugh at Jack as he stood in the middle of his living room with a puzzled expression on his face.

"What are you up to Ianto Jones?"

Ianto considered not telling him but thought it would be cruel and then had a better idea. He walked over to Jack and kissed him hard. Ianto was up to something. The kissing became fierce and needy. Ianto kissed Jack's neck whilst sliding Jack's braces off his shoulders. The Welshman felt Jack's lips connect with his, he let Jack unbutton his shirt, and run his hands all over his torso, Ianto couldn't help but moan. He broke the kiss and lead Jack to his bedroom. Ianto lost himself in the passion between them, remaining clothes were shed, and they lay together in bed, touching each other, remembering how to drive each other wild.

Ianto ran his hands through Jack's hair, he'd forgotten how good it felt have Jack kiss every inch of him. They're lips locked again; Ianto could feel Jack's heat pressing against him. He ran his nails down his lovers back and Jack moaned.

"I want you Ianto" Jack's voice with breathless.

Always prepared Ianto reached under the pillows and handed Jack the essentials. He watched Jack rock back on his knees and prepare himself.

"Are you sure you ready? Is this what you class as doing things properly Ianto?" Jack whispered with a grin.

Ianto kissed him "I'm ready. Just do it"

They kissed again and Ianto felt Jack pressing against him. He screwed up his face in pain until Jack was all the way in. Ianto felt Jack fold his arms around him.

"Are you ok?"

Ianto looked at him and kissed him. He felt Jack moving in and out of him and soon gentle love making turned into wild fucking. The Welshman was lost in pleasure every time Jack thrust into him. "Jack. I'm so close"

Jack thrust into him again and Ianto couldn't hold back any longer. He sunk his teeth into Jack's shoulder as he came. He felt Jack thrust into him again and empty his self inside him.

They lay together in the darkness, holding each other.

"Ianto?"

The younger man looked up at the worn out form of his lover above him.

"I love you"

"I love you too" Ianto couldn't decide whether the cracks in his heart had just deepened or they had started to heal, but one thing he was certain of is that he'd passed the point of no return with Jack. Jack had his cracked and bruised heart.

Ianto woke the next morning to find Jack was no longer in his bed; he rolled over and starred at the ceiling. He was just contemplating calling Jack, when his head appeared around the bedroom door.

"Morning sleepy head"

The Welshman watched Jack walk over to the bed and crawl up it to his side. Ianto pulled him in for a kiss. "I thought you'd disappeared when I woke up" He watched the expression change on Jack's face.

"I'll never leave you again. No matter what, I'm only happy here, with you"

Tears escaped Ianto's eyes and Jack wiped them away.

"Shhh, I'm here, it's ok"

The Welshman buried his head in Jack's shoulder "I'm so scared I'll lose you again"

Jack just pulled him closer and the young man couldn't help but feel safe and wanted.

They arrived at the hub before the rest of the team. Ianto busied himself with making coffee for him and Jack until the rest of the team arrived. Two steaming mugs of coffee in hand, the Welshman made his way up to Jack's office with no intention of working. He watched the smile play on Jack's lips when he entered the office, he handed Jack a mug.

"You never fail to impress me with your coffee making talents"

Ianto couldn't help but smile mischievously. "I hope that's not the only thing I impress you with, sir"

Jack returned the smile. "I'd let you impress me right now, but we have work to do"

Ianto put on a face of mock disappointment, he could hear the others entering the hub, he pecked Jack on the lips and wondered out of the office with a number of things on his mind, each thought dirtier than the previous.

When he was sure that no one was going to call him away for coffee Ianto sought some solace in the tourist office, he needed to consolidate his thoughts.

_So much to write, I feel like I've not updated this thing in years not a few days. Where to start? Well the return of Captain Jack Harkness seems to be the first major thing. I just can't seem to get over how much I can forgive this man. He kills the girl I was in love with, uses me as a casual shag, fucks off in a police box, comes back saves are collective arses, fucks off again, reappears, asks me out on a date and snogs another man; the last few all done in the space of a few hours._

_I couldn't stand him being near me when he first came back, he made me hurt more. It was like him being around again made the pain of missing him even worse. The night he returned, we talked about us. I told him I couldn't just be his part time shag again, I told him I wanted more than just lust. The way he kissed me that night told me he wanted the same. _

_We went on a date the night after just dinner and talk we talked about everything. I could feel myself falling for him again. He told me about everything that had happened to him while he'd been away, I told him about nearly killing myself. We both sat there in a slowly emptying restaurant, silent tears falling down our cheeks, both of us understanding the pain the other had/was/is going through. I took the initiative after our date last night I couldn't sleep alone again, before he took me last night he told me he loved me, I still cant decide whether those three words made my heart break even more or have started to heal it. All I know is everything just seems right now he's back with us, now he's mine._

_I love him._

_Ianto Jones._

Ianto starred at the diary entry, still unable to take in the events of the past few days. He could feel tears in his eyes and he brushed them away he wouldn't cry anymore.

Ianto looked up at the CCTV and saw Gwen walking up the corridor to the tourist office; he fixed his on the door and watched her enter the small space.

"Looks like someone has been watching me" Gwen said with a smile.

"How could I possibly tear my eyes away?"

Gwen giggled "Fancy a walk?"

Ianto grabbed his coat and they headed out towards the bay together. He linked his arm through Gwen's; he loved just being around her she made him calm.

"I'm really surprised how quiet the rift has been today. I had a feeling it was going to have one of its tantrums today"

Ianto laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Just the thought of the rift having a tantrum"

Gwen punched his arm playfully.

"Anyways don't speak to soon, its only lunch time and you might spoil it"

"Speaking of lunch, I'm starving"

The two enjoyed the afternoon together, looking out over the bay. They we're the only natives in the whole of Cardiff that knew everything that went on with Torchwood and somehow they found some sort of solace in each other. The long stream of chatter between the two was only broken by Ianto's phone ringing.

"Hello?"

"Hey. Where are you? There's a distinct lack of you and Gwen in the hub"

Ianto looked at Gwen and she rolled her eyes.

"We're just having a chat, we'll be back soon"

"Ok"

Jack hung up.

Ianto offered Gwen his arm. "Shall we?"

They entered the hub via the invisible lift.

Myfanwy flew over their heads, instinctively they both ducked even though they knew that she wasn't even near them.

Ianto scanned the hub for Jack; there was no sign of him.

They reached the floor; Ianto jumped off and held his out for Gwen.

"Always the gentleman" she said with a smile.

"I can't help it" Ianto replied with a grin.

The hub was quiet. Ianto could only see Tosh working at her station, he walked over to her. She was studying her latest bit of alien technology she was working on. He hadn't even opened his mouth before she said "Jack is in his quarters, he seems upset"

"Thanks Tosh"

Ianto wondered into Jack's office, the hatch to his quarters was open; Jack was sat on his bed starring into space. The Welshman stepped down the ladder, when he reached the bottom he turned to look at Jack; Jack's blue eyes were fixed on him. He sat down on the bed and pulled Jack close to him.

No words needed to be said, Ianto knew Jack was hurting and all he wanted was to be held close. Jack's body shook in his arms and he kissed the tears away.

Jack twisted to look at Ianto again; a smile broke on his face. "Stop looking so worried Yan, you write your diary to sort your emotions out, I cry" Jack kissed him. Ianto could almost feel all Jack's emotions in that kiss and he wasn't convinced that Jack just needed to cry but he didn't push the matter he knew that Jack would tell him when he was ready.

Jack kissed Ianto again and broke their embrace. The young man watched Jack climb the ladder back into his office and lost himself in his thoughts.

"Ianto"

The Welshman snapped back into reality, he looked up and saw a grinning Jack above him.

"You're so cute when you're thinking"

Ianto felt himself blush, he moved from Jack's bed and up the ladder in an attempt to hide it. He was still blushing when he reached the level of Jack's office.

"You're even cuter when you blush"

Ianto pouted and his lips were captured by Jack's, he swore his heart skipped a beat. They parted starring deep into each others eyes.

"I'm worried about you"

Ianto felt the Captain's had caress his cheek. "Please don't worry about me; I've got some stuff I need to sort out in my head and its fine as long as I have you"

The Welshman dropped his gaze from Jack's face. "I can't help it; I'm still scared I'm going to lose you again Jack" and he walked out of the office before Jack even had a chance to reply.

Ianto had just busied himself with making coffee; he was just placing the cups on a tray when Jack called a team meeting. Ianto felt as though he had butterflies in his stomach, he wasn't intending to see Jack just yet. He was the last into the boardroom, he felt the eyes of the team fix on him, especially Jack's it felt as though the Captain's gaze was burning into him. He took his seat around the table avoiding eye contact with everyone; he didn't want to be here, not right now. Something was nagging at him.

Ianto heard Jack say something about going home early but be available; but Ianto didn't care, he wanted to be alone. He just sat there and stared into space, he semi-registered Jack sitting down next to him and he turned to look at him. Jack was searching his face for an emotion, but he didn't find one Ianto wasn't sure how to express what he was feeling right then, but he knew what he needed to do.

"Ianto?"

The young man couldn't look at Jack. "I need to be on my own for a few hours"

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I don't know Jack" and with that Ianto left the boardroom and the hub.

It killed him inside to know that Jack was already hurting and he had just hurt him even more. He headed home, only paying the minimal of attention to the road, so he wouldn't cause any damage. He couldn't put his finger on what was wrong, something had suddenly changed in him when Jack had been upset.

The flat was cold and empty. Ianto was suddenly reminded of how much he hated being here alone. He hung his coat on one of the hooks by the door and made his way into his bedroom, he could smell Jack, feel Jack's presence lingering around him. Jack was a part of his every being.

Ianto felt empty. Jack had become everything, he'd become a habit that Ianto couldn't kick.

He lay on his bed.

"You'll never be good enough; you'll never understand what he's seen, what he's experienced. He's still everything without you but your nothing without him. You're still weak; you still let him walk all over you" Ianto growled at his self.

Ianto could feel his heart breaking; he knew nothing had changed between him and Jack. His mind flashed back to the previous night, he could still hear Jack whispering I love you in his ear, except now it meant nothing. How could Ianto believe that Jack loved him when he wouldn't even tell Ianto what was hurting him?

Ianto was still falling apart.

_Defenceless, dependant and alone._

He lay there for what seemed like forever, every painful memory replaying in his head. The battle of Canary Warf, cybermen everywhere colleagues dying everywhere around him. Finding Lisa partially converted the screams of pain as she begged him to save her. Lisa's death watching her being ripped apart by the pterodactyl, then finding her bleeding on the floor, her brain in someone else. The rest of the team filling her with bullets. Ianto could feel tears falling down his cheeks, but still he carried on remembering. Determined to pull him-self apart completely. Gwen returning with the corpse of Jack. Realising that Jack had left them. More tears. The pain of missing Jack, the blood, drink and sex that meant nothing. Feeling so alone, being unable to feel alive. Standing on the edge of the millennium centre ready to jump, so much pain. Captain John. There were just too many memories. Ianto feel into some sort of dream like state. Memories replaying over and over in his head as he slept.

Ianto woke at some ungodly hour of the morning, drenched in sweat and still fully clothed. He looked nervously around his room, expecting a cyberman to appear out of the darkness. Sure that nothing was going to jump out at him, he got up off his bed and looked at his clock 5:30 am; at least he'd had some sort of a sleep. Ianto needed distracting from his self-destructive thoughts. He showered, dressed, and tried to eat breakfast but nothing could keep his mind from wondering.

Ianto was at breaking point.

Not knowing what he was planning he picked up his car keys and headed out of his flat. Cold morning air hit him. He caught a glimpse of his-self reflected off his car. 'You're still not good enough' he thought to his-self and then he knew what he needed to do.

Ianto looked over the bay as the sun rose. This would be his last sun rise; this would be the last thing he would ever see. No tears fell down Ianto's cheeks now, he knew he didn't belong here; he belonged in the darkness with the rest of Torchwood One.

He closed his eyes and let his-self fall forwards, it was all over.


	3. Chapter 3

**Final chapter peeps. Its a bit shorter than the others but I didn't feel the need to drag it out. Sorry its took so long, but its been a bit of a pain to write. Thanks to all the people that have reviewed. I love you all.  
**

3. Because I Want You

Ianto regained consciousness, his body ached, and he was vaguely aware of someone stroking his hair. He opened his eyes unsure of what was going to greet him. A wave of relief washed over him, he was safe in Jack's quarters in Jack's arms.

Then Ianto began to remember. His last memories were of the sunrise over Cardiff bay and then stepping over the edge. He shifted in Jack's embrace so that his head was resting on the older mans string chest.

Jack pulled him closer. "Why did you do it Ianto?"

The tears that were threatening to fall seconds ago were now falling heavy from Ianto's eyes and the knot in his stomach tightened, but Ianto could not find the words to say to Jack. He couldn't describe what had tipped him over the edge.

"I don't know what to say. I feel so much. I'd felt so much, every memory was haunting me and I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take knowing that I'm not good enough for you, I haven't seen half the things you've seen and I'm a mess. You've lived for so long, died so many times, I'm nothing compared to you"

Ianto buried his head into Jack's chest as sobs over took his body. He'd just broken Jack's heart, could swear he heard it cracking. "I'm so sorry"

"It's me who should be sorry. I've just wandered back into your life expecting to pick up where we left off. I didn't see how much my disappearance hurt you. There's so little I've seen. I've been so blind Ianto. I've never really been there for you; I've never held you through your pain like you've held me. It's me who isn't good enough for you. I realised so much when I saw you jump, I had to save you. I want to make things right"

Ianto clung to Jack's chest "You are good enough for me. You saved me"

He let Jack pull him closer and feel asleep in his arms.

**Screams filled the air, there where cybermen everywhere. Ianto was running through corridor after corridor, calling to Lisa desperately hoping she was alive. The sound of machinery drowned out the sounds of battle. He followed the noise, it grew louder and then stopped. Ianto rounded the corner the space was full of cyber conversion units. He scanned his eyes over everyone and right at the end was Lisa. The power had been cut half way through the conversion; she was half cyberwoman and weak. Ianto fought back tears. He had to save her. Her screams when he touched her.**

Ianto's own screams woke him. He opened his eyes; he was alone in Jack's quarters. Tears soaked the pillows, he hated those dreams. He looked up and saw Jack climbing down the ladder; he was scooped up into the older mans arms.

"What is it, Yan?"

Ianto cuddled up to Jack, he breathed in his scent, "Lisa, when I found her. I can't get the image of her half converted, screaming for me to save her" and he was crying again.

"Shhh, its ok, I'm here"

Ianto's tears soaked into Jack's shirt. He couldn't burry the memory. "What am I going to do Jack? I can't get that image out of my mind, it just won't go"

"It will Yan, eventually. You can't let it beat you. You're so young, you can't give up yet"

Ianto knew that Jack was right; he just had to give it time.

The Welshman drifted in and out of hellish sleep all day, his body was tired but he didn't want to remember. He woke up again, for what felt like the hundredth time that day. The clock said 5.30. His stomach rumbled and Ianto smiled to his self, he really was alive.

Ianto looked up and saw Jack looking down at him.

"Hungry?"

Ianto smiled. "Starving?"

"Good because there's pizza on the way" Jack replied.

"Can you read my mind now?"

Jack laughed and walked away.

Ianto somehow managed to gain clothes and climb the ladder in his zoned out state.

"You look like shit" Jack said from behind his desk.

"Good morning to you too" Ianto replied with his usual hint of sarcasm.

Jack laughed "someone is feeling better"

Ianto perched his self on Jack's desk. He let his eyes linger over his lover until they were locked together; Ianto was almost overwhelmed by the emotions exchanged in that moment. He leaned over to Jack and kissed him "thank you"

"Pizza!"

Ianto jumped up from the desk and followed his nose.

"You look like you've been dragged through a forest backwards"

Ianto became aware of the rest of the teams eyes on him "thanks Owen" Ianto sat down and grabbed a slice of pizza. He tried to blend into the background as he devoured it. He only paid attention to the conversation when Jack joined them on the sofa. He was all too aware of the tension in Jack, they were both so broken, so scared. Guilty.

Ianto watched the man he loved make idle conversation with the rest of the team. He'd already given them an explanation as to why Ianto was unwell, but both men knew that Gwen, Tosh, and Owen weren't stupid people and probably had their suspicions that Ianto didn't just have the flu.

But for now, Ianto was safe to sit and zone out whilst taking in every detail of Jack's face. It made Ianto realise that he hadn't, well he had but not really looked at Jack. They'd been so busy saving Cardiff they hadn't had time to save themselves.

"Jack?"

"Hmmm….."

"When you came back I said I wanted to do things properly, date, all that crap but I realised today we're way past that, we've been through so much together. We've always been off saving Cardiff, humans and even the world but we've never even stopped and realised that we've never had chance to save each other. We've never had time to just be together. We always come and go in a heated rush. Even though we're together, there doesn't seem to be anything permanent about us"

Ianto turned to look at Jack and sighed he didn't know how to get the words out. "Hell, what I'm really trying to say is Jack. I want to live with you. I want to wake up to you every morning. Hold each other through the nightmares"-

Ianto was cut off by Jack's lips entangling in his. When they broke apart, they we're both lost in each others eyes, caught up in that moment and then it hit Jack what Ianto had just said, and he couldn't help but smile.

"I would love that"

Ianto grinned and pulled Jack in for another kiss. He pushed his tongue into Jack's mouth; he tasted like coffee and just Jack in general.

"Bedroom" Jack growled and picked Ianto up off himself.

The Welshman let Jack carry him and lay him on his bed. He pulled Jack down with him. He grinded hips up to Jack's which caused the man above him to moan and attack Ianto's neck with kisses.

"I love you" it was barely more than a whisper but Ianto heard it and at that moment, he felt his heart start to heal.

_Only you can make me whole. Just one touch you complete me. _

Ianto lost himself in Jack that night. He'd never felt anything so right. So perfect as him and Jack being one. Love seemed to float in the air around them as they lay together, spent.

_I've never been loved by an angel. I've never felt anything so pure. God, I've never been loved by an angel until your heaven filled my arms._

Ianto woke that morning as dawn broke; he'd slept dreamlessly last night. He looked over at the sleeping Jack next to him and smiled; never had he felt so much love.

"Jack, wake up sleepy head"

Ianto dropped small butterfly kisses across Jack's bare shoulder.

"Mmmm…… sleeping Yan"

Ianto giggled and snaked his arms around the older man. He pressed more kisses to his shoulder "But its time to get up for work"

Jack giggled.

"What are you up to Captain Jack Harkness?"

Jack rolled over and kissed Ianto.

"No work for us today. I decided they can live without us for a day or two. I was actually thinking that you were going to need a few days off considering the state you were in yesterday, but it looks like someone is feeling a lot better, so we have a whole day to ourselves. No Torchwood. No aliens. No Gwen, Owen, and Tosh. Just us. Together"

Ianto grinned "well I guess I can have my way with you all morning then"

The Welshman straddled his lover. He kissed Jack's neck and sucked at the strong pulse. He carried on his ministrations down the captain's hard, defined chest, only pausing to pay some extra attention to Jack's nipples. This earned Ianto a moan from the man below him.

"Yan…please..."

Ianto nibbled at Jack's hip, he could feel the mans hardness burning into his leg, but he wasn't going to give in yet. He had every intention of driving Jack wild. He moved back up his lover's body and captured his lips in a bruising kiss. Ianto couldn't help moaning himself when Jack grabbed his ass and forced their bodies together.

The Welshman dipped his tongue into Jack's ear. "I'm going to fuck you so hard"

Jack moaned again.

Ianto ran his hand down Jack's body and curled his fingers around his erection. He watched he older mans eyes close.

"Yan…" Jack's begging was barely more than a whisper.

The Welshman gave in and he took all of Jack into his mouth. He listened to Jack's moans as he ran his tongue all over Jack and sucked at him greedily.

"It's gonna be game over if you don't stop it Ianto"

Ianto was dying to make Jack come, but he wanted to shag him senseless first. He released Jack for his mouth and pressed the length of his body into him. Ianto pressed his lips to Jack's and they fought for dominance.

"Fuck me Ianto" Jack almost growled.

Ianto sat back on his knees and fished in the drawer for lube and condoms. He settled his-sled between Jack's legs; he couldn't help drinking in the sight of a very turned on Jack as he poured lubricant on his fingers. "Ready?"

"Yeah, just fucking get on with it"

Ianto grinned and pushed a finger into his lover. When he was sure Jack had relaxed, he pushed a second and eventually a third into him. Jack started to fuck his fingers and Ianto pulled them out sure his lover was ready. Ianto slid a condom down his erection and covered it in lube. He covered Jack's body with his own and pushed into Jack. They both moaned as Ianto buried himself into Jack. They shared a few heated kisses before Ianto sat back and placed Jack's legs on his shoulders so he could fuck him hard and deep.

Ianto grabbed Jack's hips to steady his-self and pounded into him. He knew he was hitting Jack's spot from the look of pure pleasure on his face. Ianto took Jack's hardness into his hand and stroked him in time with his thrusts.

"Come for me Jack"

That was the encouragement the older man needed; Ianto listened to Jack's moans of pleasure as he spilled his seed all over Ianto's hand. The Welshman felt his own orgasm rising inside him and he lost all control and emptied his-self into Jack's welcoming body.

Ianto collapsed onto Jack and curled his arms around him. Their lips meet and Ianto felt his heart stop.

"I'm completely in love with you Ianto Jones"

Ianto looked deep into Jack's eyes never before had he seen so much emotion in them. He pulled Jack closer. "I'm in love with you too"

Both men lay together tangled up in each other as they cried, overcome with everything that had happened, everything that they felt in that moment.

Ianto was brought back to earth by the ringing of Jack's phone. He cursed inwardly as Jack climbed out of bed and retrieved his phone from his jacket. He watched Jack as he spoke to whoever it was, hang up, and then crawl up the bed to his side. His eyes closed for a second when Jack nuzzled at his neck.

"Who was that?"

Ianto pulled Jack into his arms.

"Gwen, checking up on us"

Their legs tangled together.

"As long as she doesn't want us to go in, I'm not sharing you today"

Jack giggled. "Well, I think you'll find that you have my full attention all day"

Ianto snuggled closer to Jack. "Good, I think I might write 'Property of Ianto Jones on you then, even though I love Gwen to bits, she'll take the hint and stop flirting with you"

Jack laughed. "Awwww are you jealous of my flirting with Gwen?"

"Yes, yes I am"

Both men laughed.

"Maybe I should enforce a rule of no flirting in the workplace"

Ianto looked shocked. "You'd be the first to break it Captain Jack Harkness"

"No, I'd call you into my office and have my way with you while everyone else is working, so no one would know"

Ianto smiled. "You always have a plan"

"Indeed and my current plan is to make breakfast and then maybe shag your brains out"

"Breakfast then more sex, typical" Ianto shook his head.

"I can't help that I find you irresistible, but if you want to do something not sex related today we could move some of my stuff"

Ianto suddenly had butterflies in his stomach. "Now that sounds like a proper plan"

Later that day Ianto found himself in the flat of Captain Jack Harkness packing boxes and all of a sudden, it hit him. Jack was back for good and he was all his.

Ianto smiled, he'd never felt happier.


End file.
